Monday, January 7, 2013

Should it be a Resolution?

Been away from blogging for a while, but with the New Year upon us, I thought a little post was in order, perhaps to reconnect, or maybe just because sometimes I feel like my life can move along without me. Sounds crazy I know, but I'll try to explain. Often with kids in sports, working and creating when I can, it all seems to move so fast. I know down deep it's good and I honestly feel grateful that I'm currently at a place in my life that provides me with a lot of really cool things to do and be a part of. With my Mom living next store for a little over a year now, I feel blessed to have her so close, but I'm also reminded how good it is, to actually be busy. I know my Mom would love to be busy but her health prevents her from doing many of the things she'd love to be involved in. I   remember when my son first entered kindergarten, my friend's Mom told me that "once they started school it would all go so fast". Of course when you're in it, standing there at the gate, watching that little guy with his giant backpack round the corner out of view, I just worried about making it through that one day till pick up time. But my friend's Mom was right, it has gone fast... that "little guy" started High School this year and it's sort of unbelievable. My sweet Bella will be starting  Jr. High next year... also very strange to imagine. Anyhow, I guess every once in a while I need to stop and take a moment to realize all this. Maybe even more importantly, I  realize that these fast fleeting days may well be those days I look back to later. These could  be those good old days that people always speak spite of all their watching, waiting, and wishing for the next "big thing" to happen. I'm so forgetful sometimes, I forget all sorts of stuff, drives me crazy, but I don't want to forget these times. I want to be awake and mindful, present and really here while my life happens. I know this isn't new information, heck there's entire religions based on that whole idea. I guess for me right now it seems pressing for some reason. Up until now, there's been a multitude of both good and challenging moments that have come together to create, this big beautiful life that's mine. There have been changing events and people that have drifted in and out of my life. And I know this will continue to happen, it's just part of how it all goes.There have been relationships  that have been pushed and pulled till they nearly snapped, moments of wonder and discovery, but among it all are these small days, these little in- between the big stuff days, that I don't want to  forget either. To me, they're also life changing and somehow important in their mundane instances of rushing, or waiting, wishing and wanting. When I think of all the time that's already passed I'm daunted by it. I so don't want to wish away my days, I want to be more present and with more than a little fear of disaapointing only myself, I'm going to try.
Ernie & I on our honeymoon, not so long ago :)
I'll keep moving and do the best I can for the moment, I keep praying for us and keep remembering the Wishing Tree and do what I can right now, even if I feel it's not good enough, because it's what I can do, and I'm grateful for that.
Thanks for listening, Bridgette
P.S. If any of you out there with kids that are all grown up  have any insights for me about how to keep moving without missing all the important stuff, comment away :)  XO


Healing Woman said...

Hi Bridgette,

Wish I could be of some help with an insightful comment but as I look back, I know things went the way they should have or had to go. Sometimes I wish I had never been involved in art along the way, but then again, it was art that saw me through some rough times. Enjoy each moment and do the best you can and later on, you will have few regrets.

Glad to see you back blogging~

robin dudley-howes said...

Brigitte, thanks for leaving a comment. i would LOVE to talk more about the book ideas but I don't have your phone number. you can email me thx chica!